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Bergen County Blogs

Mid Life Waste Land

Ok all of you who are tired of dragging around everyone’s baggage including your own say – HEY !!!!

I understand all da shrink rules on how you have shaped your life based on your up bringing. How you are what you have eaten! Yikes.
How your fears and insecurities are not entirely your own but rather passed down. Like the last cannoli.
At times you think, “my childhood was pretty damn good!” Until you start seeing the patterns. Always choosing the wrong partner or settling.
I think you really don’t figure out that you may have some residual issues until you start dating. That’s when you hear yourself and see yourself doing things that you never thought you would.

So you do the right thing. You go to Da Shrink do the work, realize how you were affected, recognize your patterns and say BASTA!
Then just when you think you have them licked – you find you are either way to unavailable or way to available! MAN…….
So finally after the dance of finding the balance you are all fixed and good to go and then there is know one to see it or share it.

Ok, so you give it time. Even when you start dating someone new you realize that you can see red flags faster, you’re not making them turn into other colors just to get by.
You realize that you run faster rather then deal with it. You realize that you are really ready to let someone in now. I am not saying you are perfect! But you are ready! Once in blue someone may even push a button but it’s still OK..
That’s the good news! Now, the bad news - is that everyone you meet has issues, drama and madness. They have a past that is part of their day-to-day present. Like a dog with a bone they won’t let it go. They are on meds, they have a shrink, and they may even have 2 shrinks, a life coach, and a self-esteem coach. Minga!

But then you think and say, “well – you had shit, you needed time, you held back! Take a shot! Give it a whirl! 
Ok what I just said, NEVER DO !!!
It seems good at the time but then your screwed. 
First, I you think you can help because you had issues!
Next, now here is da twist ~ ~ you gotta be careful with these people because they are smart in a slick way! THEY HAVE HAD MORE HEAD PROBING THEN AN ALIEN ON THEIR FIRST TRIP TO KANAS.
What that means is they are good at manipulating and really good at blaming you! NOT THEM !!!
They have clear heads, no responsibility! I think because they have had all this headwork they feel exonerated. So what they do is turn it on you and all of a sudden it’s your baggage not theirs. You feel the way you do because of their shit. You see what I mean?
Oh Man – Run forest Run ~~~

But at some point you have to say – WHY AM I DOING THIS?
And then you think and say hummmmmm maybe I missed some sessions at DA SHRINK or maybe, just maybe you are a hopeful Romantic and believe that love conquers all. 
That when Love is part of the equation you would do anything to make things right. 

Ya know what? Never stop believing that because it’s true !! Never let anyone make you think that your perception of love is wrong or not real. Or part of some Fairytale 
I am so tired of hearing my friends tell me these horror story’s of these Men and Women that they meet. How they bend over backwards to make things right and try and try. If its that much work – IT AINT LOVE – it’s a friggin burden.
Let them live in the past - YOU , YOU move forward.

So hear we are all grown up still looking for love in all the wrong places and ending up in a wasteland of baggage.

Take a deep breath and figure out how to move on and pray that the next person you meet only has a clutch or a small pouch rather feeling like you standing at the luggage carousel at JFK.